avoid the topics

I'm sorry I have been failing at blogging yet again. Generally I'm on my tumblr constantly so my emotions and such come out on there, rather than in my blog. So if you read my blog, be sure to follow me on there, if you want to hear more from me.

On Thursday, I wasn’t having a very good day. I was woken up badly, got yelled at, and just wasn’t feeling at all good about myself, in any way. I sat around for awhile and then decided to go and take a shower. I stripped down to my underwear, plugged in my brother’s iPod dock, got my iPod, went to my “feel good” playlist and pressed the shuffle button. The first song that came on was Born This Way, by Lady Gaga. I turned around, and looked in the mirror. I looked at myself standing there in my underwear, with my hair pulled back, with no make up on. And for once, I felt beautiful. Despite all the imperfections I could see, I saw beauty. I saw the real me. I smiled at myself and it made me even more beautiful. I’m not saying that in vain. I’m saying it with complete genuinity. For the longest time, I’ve hated how I look. But in that moment, all I could see was a beautiful person staring back at me. I turned around, turned the music up even louder, and re-started the song. I got in the shower, and sung along on the top of my lungs. I danced around in there, just having fun and enjoying myself. Being happy. I belted out and danced along with the next 2 songs that came on; Best Of Me and Picking Up The Pieces, both from Britannia High. I got out of the shower, and sat in the lounge room in my towel, singing along to the music, just enjoying it. After 20 minutes or so, I went and put on trackies and a hoodie. I was comfortable in what I was wearing. I was comfortable with how I looked. I was genuinly comfortable in my body. I decided to write a post on tumblr, stating things about myself that I don’t like. But rather than just posting the things I don’t like, I decided to contradict them with something about the same thing that I do like. For the rest of the day, I felt beautiful. I felt good. I felt happy. I think it’s because just as I turned around to look in that mirror, Lady Gaga told me that I’m beautiful in my own way.

I have decided that I am beautiful. Of course, I’m still going to have my down days. But starting on Sunday I’m going on a diet, so I can be more content with my body. I’m going to start eating healthy, so my skin clears up. I’m going to start going on a walk every day, so my body becomes stronger. I’m going to start telling myself I’m beautiful, so my mind starts to believe it. I am going to be happy.

I’m beautiful in my way, coz God makes no mistakes. I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way.