avoid the topics

I am the worst person in the world. I haven't blogged in so long and I am so sorry that that is the case, even though I doubt many people at all even read my blog. I guess the reason I haven't blogged in so long is because my laptop is a piece of shit and pretty much completely died on me. I can't use firefox on it, and the only websites that work properly on it at all (I have to use Internet Explorer when I do use it. Ugh) are facebook and tumblr. So I've basically forgotten every website I use, because I don't have the little bookmarks anymore to remind me. I've been using the desktop computer rather than the laptop. So that's my main reasoning as to why I haven't blogged. I guess the other reason is that I've been kicking my anxiety in the mother fucking balls lately! I've started going out again. It's been utterly fantastic. Started off just going to the milk bar or the post office or iga, but now I'm completely fine with going in to town for a few hours, or going to my old school to visit my ex and some other friends there, or going to peoples houses. I'm not good in the car for too long, after like 4 minutes I start freaking out and sometimes I ask mum to pull over so I can get out of the car for maybe 10 seconds, but I always get back in the car and continue on with where I'm going. It's so relieving to be able to get out again. It makes me so much happier. I still freak out before I go, but once I'm at the place, I'm fine. I can't even explain how good it makes me feel to be beating it again. Anxiety can not control me any longer. :).

What else has been happening in my life. Hmm. Well I'm incredibly low on money at the moment! I get $50 every fortnight, which generally is enough to get me buy. But I've had to do things with the money straight away over the last month or so. I had to buy new make up because I was completely out of foundation and powder. 2 weeks ago was my friend's 19th, so I had to give him money for his birthday, plus buy drinks at the bar we went to. This Saturday is Jacob's 18th so I'm giving him $50. Next fortnight I have to give Uncle Gary $50 because he bought Bill's birthday present for me so I have to pay him back for it. The fortnight after that I have to buy bleach for my hair and the pink hair dye (I'm dying my hair pink at the end of September). Then after that, I have to either get my L's or get a Proof Of Age card, because I need I.D because all I have is my last year's school i.d and most places where you do things when you're an adult don't accept school i.d.

I also sort of have a boy, at the moment. We're not "official" or anything, but, he's my boy. :). His name is Josh Ennor. When he was 4 years old, he was a Day Care kid. Day Care is basically these adults who babysit kids because their parents have to work or whatever during the day. My mum was a Day Care lady, and Josh was one of her kids! We used to play all the time (I was 3) when he was over and it was great. Then after he stopped coming, we just didn't talk or anything and apart from when I was looking through photo albums, I completely forgot he existed. Now, last year this guy started following me on tumblr. He was one of my first 100 followers. I used to lurk his tumblr a lot but never started following him or anything. One day almost 2 months ago, I was having a really bad day. I just felt really down about everything, and I got an anonymous message in my ask box telling me that I was beautiful, and basically all this other lovely stuff. I started talking to them but they wouldn't come off anonymous because they were scared that I wouldn't want to be friends with them or whatever once I found out who they were. After some coaxing, I convinced them to tell me who they were. I got a message on facebook from Josh, saying that it was him. After that, we started talking constantly. He had just broken up with his girlfriend, so I didn't have to watch what I was saying around him. (I have an incredibly flirty personality, apparently. So when people are in relationships, if I'm not close to them so they know I'm joking around, I have to watch what I say.) I realized he was Day Care Josh so I asked him if he remembered Lisa, his Day Care lady. And he did. He also remembered where we lived, which I thought was impressive because it had been 15 years since he had even thought of us! Before I knew it, I had a crush on him. Then one day, he said he had a crush on me. He puts up with all my bullshit. My lack of self confidence. My anxiety. My annoying personality. My ability to make up words. My nonsense. Everything. He makes me so happy. And mum knows him, he's been over twice and she remembers him from when he was little. He's incredible.

I've also made a few new friends, and become closer to people I already knew. I don't know what I would do without them. One in particular, Hannah, is just incredible. Despite only knowing her for a little over a month, I feel like I've known her forever. I've never had a friendship grow as fast as my friendship with her. I can be my complete self around her. Usually around new people I worry of what they think, but I just don't give a shit around her. She is amazing. She's beautiful. She's mah girlfriend ;). I love her.

That's basically all that's happened in my life since I last blogged! I am so sorry it's been so long and I promise I'll never let it go that long again. Hopefully in the next couple of months I'll be buying my MacBook Pro, so I'll have no excuse not to blog as often ;). I love you all, and I hope you're having an incredible year.