It genuinely makes me incredibly happy, to see someone else happy. Seeing an honest smile on someone's face, with their eyes sparkling...that is one of the things that proves to me why we are alive.
One of my favourite things to do, is to make someone laugh, or smile, or just forget about all the bad things in the world, even if only for a second. I used to be one of those people who was always happy. One of those people who always had a smile on their face, and was laughing and joking around. Over the last few years, starting around the time my Dad died, I slowly started to become less happy. I still do put on a smile, and laugh and joke around, but around a third of the time, it's a fake smile. I'll be thinking about something else...something bad. But when I am genuinly happy...I cannot stop smiling. I've had a tough life. I know what it's like to lose someone close to you, for whatever reason. I know what it's like to be picked on. I know what it's like to have people talk about you behind your back. I know what it's like to be judged because of who you know. I know what it's like to hate yourself. I know what it's like to feel like you have no one. I know what it's like to have anxiety. I know what it's like to feel like nothing is worth it. And because of this, I am someone who is always there for everyone. No matter who it is, or when it is, I know that everyone needs someone. And if I can be that person that they can trust with their thoughts and secrets and feelings, why wouldn't I be there for people!?
I found out today that people at school were talking about me behind my back. When I found this out, I was sad. I assumed they were bitching about me. But then I found out what it was that they were saying. People were saying that I was one of the most kind, caring, considerate, loving people at the school. They were saying that I was the one that people could turn to to tell their secrets to, and the one that people knew would be there for them if they ever needed anything. They were saying that I was one of the people that never had a bad word to say about someone.
It made me so happy, finding out that this is how people think of me.
Some people judge me for it, saying that I'm too trusting toward people, and that I'm to nice to people. I very rarely put full trust upon someone. Only a select few. But I still have some trust for everyone. Those people who tell me I'm too trusting, though, have no idea what it's like for that person. To feel like you have no one. To be getting judged because of how you look, because of what you wear, because of your money situation, because of where you live, because of your family, because of your friends, because of your job, because of your voice, because of your intelligence or lack of it, because of your religion, because of the subjects you do, because of what you want to do when you leave school.
That is why I am there for people. Because everyone needs someone. And if no one else is willing to give them a chance, I am. It's a promise I've made to the world. I don't give a fuck about anyone's past. All I care about is who they are today. I care about them. I genuinly, one hundred percent, want to be there for this person. I want them to not be alone. I want them to feel like they are loved. Because they are. I get told I throw the word 'love' around too much. But you know what? I honestly do love everyone. No matter what gender, race, sexuality, religion...I don't care. I have good feelings toward everyone. I know that there is good in everyone. I know that people can change.
I don't even know how to say what I feel about this. There are literally no words to describe how I feel. I just want everyone to know that they're not alone, and that I pinky promise, one hundred percent, that no matter who they are, where they're from, what the time is...I will be here for them. Until the day that I die.
And I am so happy that the people at my school realized that. I just hope that they realize that I really will be here for them, even if it's 20 years away from now.
One of my favourite things to do, is to make someone laugh, or smile, or just forget about all the bad things in the world, even if only for a second. I used to be one of those people who was always happy. One of those people who always had a smile on their face, and was laughing and joking around. Over the last few years, starting around the time my Dad died, I slowly started to become less happy. I still do put on a smile, and laugh and joke around, but around a third of the time, it's a fake smile. I'll be thinking about something else...something bad. But when I am genuinly happy...I cannot stop smiling. I've had a tough life. I know what it's like to lose someone close to you, for whatever reason. I know what it's like to be picked on. I know what it's like to have people talk about you behind your back. I know what it's like to be judged because of who you know. I know what it's like to hate yourself. I know what it's like to feel like you have no one. I know what it's like to have anxiety. I know what it's like to feel like nothing is worth it. And because of this, I am someone who is always there for everyone. No matter who it is, or when it is, I know that everyone needs someone. And if I can be that person that they can trust with their thoughts and secrets and feelings, why wouldn't I be there for people!?
I found out today that people at school were talking about me behind my back. When I found this out, I was sad. I assumed they were bitching about me. But then I found out what it was that they were saying. People were saying that I was one of the most kind, caring, considerate, loving people at the school. They were saying that I was the one that people could turn to to tell their secrets to, and the one that people knew would be there for them if they ever needed anything. They were saying that I was one of the people that never had a bad word to say about someone.
It made me so happy, finding out that this is how people think of me.
Some people judge me for it, saying that I'm too trusting toward people, and that I'm to nice to people. I very rarely put full trust upon someone. Only a select few. But I still have some trust for everyone. Those people who tell me I'm too trusting, though, have no idea what it's like for that person. To feel like you have no one. To be getting judged because of how you look, because of what you wear, because of your money situation, because of where you live, because of your family, because of your friends, because of your job, because of your voice, because of your intelligence or lack of it, because of your religion, because of the subjects you do, because of what you want to do when you leave school.
That is why I am there for people. Because everyone needs someone. And if no one else is willing to give them a chance, I am. It's a promise I've made to the world. I don't give a fuck about anyone's past. All I care about is who they are today. I care about them. I genuinly, one hundred percent, want to be there for this person. I want them to not be alone. I want them to feel like they are loved. Because they are. I get told I throw the word 'love' around too much. But you know what? I honestly do love everyone. No matter what gender, race, sexuality, religion...I don't care. I have good feelings toward everyone. I know that there is good in everyone. I know that people can change.
I don't even know how to say what I feel about this. There are literally no words to describe how I feel. I just want everyone to know that they're not alone, and that I pinky promise, one hundred percent, that no matter who they are, where they're from, what the time is...I will be here for them. Until the day that I die.
And I am so happy that the people at my school realized that. I just hope that they realize that I really will be here for them, even if it's 20 years away from now.
You're funny.
ReplyDelete@kayla, why am i funny?
ReplyDelete