avoid the topics

I am the worst blogger in the world. I've not written a post on here in months. I've just not really had anything in particular that I needed to say. But right now, I'm feeling inspired. Over the last month or so, I've started to like the person I am. I don't think I'm that bad of a person anymore. I don't hate what I see every single time I look in the mirror. It's such a change for me. I've always hated everything about myself. That has changed so much lately, especially over the last month. I've made some amazing new friends. Yes, they're only online, but they're so incredible. I don't know what I would do without them, now. They've become such a huge part of my life. I used to never have anyone to talk to because my only friends were in Australia and were working or at school or university during the day and asleep at night. A lot of these new friends are American or Canadian and are almost always awake at the same time I am thanks to dodgy sleeping patterns. A couple of them are Australian, but have issues making them online a lot of the time. It's so good to not be alone all day every day. And not only that, but they're some of the kindest people I have ever met. They don't mind when I talk shit about nothing. They don't mind when I don't have makeup on. They don't mind when I joke around with them. We're all so similar, it's great. And they make me feel good about myself. I don't know what it is, but I just believe them when they compliment me. I don't know why. But I like it.

I also had a bit of a revelation today when I was in the shower pondering over life. I found out things that have been said about me by someone I used to be close to and it got me thinking about other people that I've been close to who have also said things about me and done things to me and hurt me emotionally. Both males and females. But just because I've been hurt by a few doesn't mean that everyone is going to hurt me. I need to open my heart up again. I need to stop protecting it so much, because if I keep protecting it then one day when the right person comes along, they're not going to be able to break through that wall. I need to trust that everyone is different. Just because one person hurt me doesn't mean the next person will. But I need to be weary, because there is a chance it could happen. But I think I'm willing to take that chance, now. I'm strong. I can get through whatever happens to me. And right now I could be pushing away the person I'm destined to spend the rest of my life with, just because in the past I've been hurt. A good friend of mine said to me the other day that I can't listen to bad things that one person, or two people, or 10 people, say about me. There are almost 7 billion people in this world. I can't let less than 0.0001% of the population of this beautiful planet keep me down.